Moving to a new city is not an easy thing do, especially when you don’t know anyone. When I moved to New York 4.5 years ago, the only person I knew was my boyfriend Nick. Neither us had any friends already living or planning to move to the city– it was just him and I for almost an entire year. Those first few months were tough as we adjusted to our jobs and new post-grad lifestyle. Money was tight and I constantly found myself longing for my college days. There were moments where I didn’t know if I would last in New York for more than a year. But then life started becoming easier. We made friends and before I knew it the years had begun flying by.
I know first hand how tough it can be making friends in a new city while also working full time. It’s not easy to form real relationships when you’re juggling a career and worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills…. Or student debt. As you get older it gets harder and harder to make time for friends, but it is possible. So how did I? Well keep on reading and check out the video below! PS are you subscribed to my YouTube channel?
5 Tips For Making Good Friends & Meeting New People
Get Social. To put it plainly: you can’t make new friends if you don’t ever meet new people. Get out of your comfort zone and place yourself in situations where you’ll have conversations and meaningful interactions. A lot of young adults think that bars are the only way to meet new people– not true. Consider joining a intramural sports league, book club, professional network or even a religious group. I personally have made a lot of my new close friends after meeting at blogging-related events and conferences.
Look For People With Similar Values & Life Goals. Many big life moments like getting promoted at work, marriage, buying a first home and having a baby all could begin to happen in your 20s. When you find someone who potentially could become a good friend it’s smart to think about if you could picture that person sharing and celebrating in those events with you.
In college it’s much easier to meet and bond with people on surface-level things like shared academic courses, social activities, sports or even drinking. When you get older and have less time to devote to friendship, it’s important to be mindful of the new people you are bringing into your life and instead seek out those that share similar values and personal qualities. A friend may be fun to have a girls’ night with at the bar, but would you want her to be in your wedding? Would you and your boyfriend enjoy going on a double date with her and the new guy she’s dating? If not, then maybe consider devoting more time to those who are a better fit in your longterm plan.
Consider Reconnecting With Old Classmates Or Coworkers. Just because you may not have ‘clicked’ with a classmate or coworker when you actually studied or worked together, doesn’t necessarily mean they wouldn’t make a good friend. It’s funny how now living in New York I’ve connected and become friends with college classmates whom I never even met or spoke to while in school.
It can be difficult forming a real friendship with a coworker for many reasons– a company hierarchy, competition for promotions, the fact that you’re in “work” mode and that people keep their professional guard up– all these things contribute to making it tough to get to know someone. It’s also perfectly reasonable to not want to spend time with coworkers outside of the office. I mean, you do already see them multiple days a week. I’ve personally found that when I’ve moved jobs is when I’ve been able to form some of my closest friendships with previous coworkers. The dynamic completely changes when you’re outside of work. Believe it or not one of my best friends was actually my intern at my first job. While working together we weren’t close, but once I left that PR agency we made the effort to keep in touch and our friendship was able to grow.
Trust The People Who Know You Best. If your bff has been your ride-or-die since childhood or you’ve been with your boyfriend for years– obviously they’ve done something right to be worthy of a relationship with you. TRUST THEIR OPINIONS. Nick has been in my life for almost a decade and it still surprises just how good he is at judging peoples’ character and reading their intentions. I had a few toxic friendships in college that revolved around drama and drinking– being friends with these girls was emotionally exhausting and Nick really helped me recognize just how much their energy negatively affected me. Sometimes we put up blinders and it takes the people who haven proven themselves and love you the most to help you see a situation clearly.
Don’t Be Afraid To Let Go Of Half-Hearted Friendships. It’s not easy to keep up with people when you begin working full time and have real-life obligations. It takes a big commitment to set aside time to meet someone for dinner or take a day on the weekend to visit a friend in another city. You don’t realize how precious time is until you no longer have it.
It’s natural for people to change and evolve. As you get older, your goals become more clear and everyone chooses a path. You may grow apart from some friends and get closer with others. If you find that you’re the one making all the effort with someone, then don’t be afraid to let that person go. They’ll make the effort if they really want to be involved in your life. If not, then they didn’t deserve your friendship in the first place.
Change can be hard to wrap your head around. You become used to people and it’s hard to think about letting someone go, but you just need to remember that your time has value and it’s not worth devoting it to people just because it’s become routine. Sometimes letting go of one relationship can open up the door for another to form or become stronger.
Would to hear what you think in the comments below! Also don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel for more videos 🙂